By Mistress Nev
Fear: a distressing emotion aroused by impending danger, evil, pain, etc., whether the threat is real or imagined; the feeling or condition of being afraid.
There are many types of fear a submissive has. There is fear of physical pain, fear of the unknown, which can be pushing certain limits, and there are emotional fears.
I have discovered that the easiest fear to talk about is the fear of physical pain. Most of the time this is a black and white issue, meaning that they reach a level of pain and then they can’t take anymore, the safe word is called and the pain stops. They are willing to push themselves in the pain, with the understanding pain can and will stop when it becomes too much. This is a controlled pain. It brings pleasure to not only them, but their dominant, which for them, is the most important thing and they are willing to endure pain for this.
Fear of the unknown can almost be described as apprehension. It is harder to talk about than a physical fear of pain. There isn’t a cut and dry, right or wrong, black or white limit. This fear can also be a controlled fear. The submissive does have the safe word they can use, they also have the right to say no before anything ever begins. It’s a fear the submissive has to think about, they decide if they are willing to face the fear. It can come from pushing a limit. For example, the dominant develops a task for the submissive to do. The submissive is apprehensive about doing elements of the task. The submissive has true fears. With some submissives, it is the fear that actually pushes them to completing the task.
This brings me to the next type of fear – emotional fear – one of the few fears that the submissive can’t control. It is a daunting type of fear for a submissive. This article came about from an interview I did with one of my submissives in which he stated, “But, because of what I said earlier, the non-private side of things really scare me and brings about frustration, and ultimately makes me scared that it will be the cause of things going off the rails permanently.” He dealt with the fear of the unknown by reacting to his emotional fear. For me, this was unacceptable as it goes against my philosophy of RACK (Risk Awareness Consensual Kink.)
In doing research for this article, I found the level of fear is based on the security of the relationship. In talking with a submissive that has been with her Master for a long period, she stated that, “I have no fear about him leaving, judging or making me do anything that he felt was unsafe was for me.” She felt secure in their relationship based on their history.
In conclusion, fear is very much part of submission. We as dominants build the trust with our submissive that in turns lessen their fears. It takes time, patience, communication and most importantly understanding and respecting their fears to help conquer an obstacle that can and does stand in the way of them to truly submit. To truly submit, the submissive has to have no emotional fear. We have to build that trust and make them feel secure within the relationship. If emotional fear is present, then good judgment and common sense isn’t used and we know that isn’t a good reason to submit.