General FAD Protocol

Many people new to clubs and organizations are worried about knowing the proper way to act, what to do or say and how to dress. In an effort to make this an easier step for you we hope this helps answer any questions you may have. If it doesn't, feel free to ask!

Basic Protocol for everyone:

1. Be discreet. BDSM is a very private part of people's lives. If word gets out (known as 'outing' or being 'outed'), it could cost someone their job, their standing in the community, and even custody of their children. Don't talk about someone else's activities in BDSM to anyone outside our community that doesn't have a right and need to know. We WILL revoke contributorship over the matter.
    
2. A "buffet attitude" insults everyone. Not everyone you meet is available for your pleasure. It dismisses the person's prerogative, loyalty, and ability to choose. It also says something about the offender's self-confidence. S/he is relying on an assumed role rather than their own merits and abilities to find a partner.
    
3. BDSM may or may not be sexual. BDSM is not synonymous with swinging, swapping, or Polyamory, although it's possible for it to co-exist within these lifestyles. A BDSM relationship can consist entirely of kinky role playing and sex, or have no sexual involvement at all. Just remember: You don't have to have sex if you're playing with someone…but you also are free to have sex, should you choose and the event rules allow it.
    
4. Be honest about having (or not having) a spouse. Not disclosing this information may lead some to feel they are involved in a non consensual act of adultery. Some will not play with married people, some will ONLY play with married people. Just be honest and find out.
    
5. If you are a novice, let potential play partners know you are new to the scene. Everyone has to start somewhere. Being a novice does not make you a bad player but lying about your level of experience is dangerous for everyone. Your partners have the right and need to know how experienced you are whether you are a Dominant or submissive. You do not have to do anything you don't want to in a scene or play setting. Just remember to be respectful even when saying no.
    
6. Be honest about what you want. Tell your potential partners what you want, whether it's sensation or servitude or both. The tastes in the scene are wide and varied. It's full of sadists, masochists, dominants, submissives and every combination therein.
    
7. Ask before touching intimately. When meeting someone for the first time, offer a handshake. If you want to touch them in any other manner, ask. If you are asked to allow touch you aren't comfortable with, say, "I'd rather you didn't" or "I don't consent to that" or "I really don't like to be touched in that way" or something similar. You might be asked to explain why, but at least you don't get touched! Always assume a 'NO' when you want to touch; this will help you remember to ask first!. If you are touched in a manner that makes you uncomfortable, report the incident right away to the Officers of FAD or the DM (Dungeon Monitor) on duty.
    
8. A dominant is not always aggressive. You don't have to be overbearing to be a dominant. Many Female Dominants prefer to be approached for play.
    
9. A submissive is not always passive. If you are a submissive wanting to play and no one is asking, then you might consider doing the asking. Sitting quietly is usually a sign you are under orders to do such, or that you are not interested in socializing or playing at this time.
    
10. Accept that 'no' means 'no'. No one wants to play with someone who is too pushy. Submissives can't trust a coercive Dominant. If the Dominant won't accept a submissive's "no" in the public setting, is it likely the Dominant will accept the limits of an isolated, bound, defenseless submissive in bondage?
     
11. Respect alternatives. Homophobia, racism, etc. and BDSM don't mix.

Tips for Dominants

Our meetings and socials are a time to get together, share and play. They are not designed to be fashion events, but use of fashion is certainly welcome. There is no rule that says you have to be in black leather or a thong…wear what you're comfortable in, just make sure its clean. Being neat doesn't hurt either. We don't have many guidelines for dress, but here are some suggestions:

Think neat and clean first, style second, fetish third. It's unusual to see totally naked Dominants…but revealing is certainly an option. Anything goes, from formal to casual (wouldn't it be nice to Dom in jeans for once? Do it!). Don't feel like you have to wear that latex cat suit…but we certainly won't stop you! The important thing to remember is you are welcome, no matter your style or dress.

Note: if you wear fetish (meaning something revealing and/or obviously scene related), make sure you are covered when arriving or when you go outside. Exposing neighbors (literally) is non consensual on their part and it is outing your host and other party guests.

Suggested Dominant Protocol: 

~ Be polite to submissives. Many are new and this might be their first time EVER speaking to a Dominant in real life. Don't scare the crap out of them; help them to understand and explore this newfound excitement.

~ Be respectful and polite to other Dominants. Even if you're in Bitch Goddess mode. This will help you make (and retain) friends!

~ Don't expect that every submissive will serve you. Ask, don't demand, them to do things for you and remember they have the right to say no.

~ Help clean up after the social or meeting. In most cases, you have been invited into someone's home. Think of how you would feel if YOU were left with a mess.

Tips for submissives

Our meetings and socials are a time to get together, share and play. They are not designed to be fashion events, but use of fashion is certainly welcome. There is no rule that says you have to be in black leather or a thong…wear what you're comfortable in, just make sure its clean. Being neat doesn't hurt either. We don't have many guidelines for dress, but here are some suggestions:

It's always appropriate to wear nothing (unless otherwise stated). Cheap too! However, not everyone is comfortable with stripping to their birthday suits in a group of strangers. When you dress, think neat and clean first, style second, fetish third. It's not uncommon to see subs in khaki pants and dress shirts or a dress of some sort. Some people call this 'dress casual'...some people call it 'church dress'. You can also go as formal as you want…tuxedos and business suits fit into kink nicely. If you have a special outfit, we'd love to see it!

Note: if you wear fetish (meaning something revealing and/or obviously scene related), make sure you are covered when arriving or when you go outside. Exposing neighbors (literally) is non consensual on their part and it is outing your host and other party guests.

Our group is casual. The only real protocol we have is that submissives are expected to be respectful. There are some suggested (but not required) protocols, however:

~ Use "Ma'am" when addressing any Dominant Female, unless another preference is stated by the Dominant or you have a personal protocol that does not allow you to use this form of address in general.

~ Make yourself useful…refresh drinks, pick up trash, replace toilet paper, offer to carry things, etc.

~ Give up your seat for a Dominant. Sit on the floor or stand if you have to, unless you have physical handicaps which require you to remain in your seat.

~ Open doors, pull out chairs and such…in other words, be polite.

~ Help clean up after the social or meeting. In most cases, you have been invited into someone's home. Think of how you would feel if YOU were left with the mess.